Private Thoughts

The sun was setting and shadows had crept over the Kingdom of Olinoth by the time Tristana had returned to her home. The servants had not yet lit all of the lights and the corridors of the estate were still dark as she made her way towards her quarters. As she pushed open her bedroom door, Tristana paused in the entrance to remove her sword belt and tossed it casually across the back of a chair set by her desk.

Tristana closed the door behind her, turning to walk further into her room. As she took her first step, a shadow rose up from the darkest corner of the room, the shape moving towards her and taking the form of a cowled figure looming out of the darkness. Tristana’s heart pounded in her chest and she gasped as the person moved towards her. She backpedaled, reaching for a candle and firebox on her desk, depressing the small ward on the metal object and sparking a flame with shaking hands.

As the dim light threw dancing shadows across the room, the cowled figure reached up and pushed her cowl back, long dark hair cascading from the confines of the cloth and piercing blue eyes staring at Tristana. Cassandra Arderne offered her friend only a half smile before moving towards her and embracing her.

“Tristana, I’m sorry that I didn’t announce myself, but I-I didn’t know where else to go..” Cassandra said in a whisper.

“Cassandra, you scared me half to death!” Tristana started. “You know you are always welcome here, do not worry about that, but please next time do not jump out of the shadows like that!”

Cassandra released her friend nodding before turning and walking to the edge of Tristana’s bed and sitting. She hugged herself with her arms, her eyes staring off at nothing, “So much has happened. I just don’t know what to do, what to think. You are the only one I could turn to.”

Tristana went and sat down on her bed next to her friend. She took her hand in hers and held it and smiled at her. “I am always here for you. I also wanted to express my deepest condolences over Jacob, I know how much he meant to you. It was so sad to hear about him dying so young……”

Cassandra blinked once, sadness passing across her features before she turned and looked at Tristana, “It was not natural. He was fine, I had seem him just a few days before. People do not pass like that, not with how he was. I can’t explain it, but I just know it was not natural.”

Tristana stared at Cassandra. “What are you saying Cass, do you think someone poisoned him or something? Who would do such a thing!”

Cassandra looked down, her free hand playing with a loose thread on her cloak, “I..don’t know. I couldn’t prove anything even if I knew who could have been responsible. Not without seeing his room, his things. I might see something out of place, but I dare not go back there, not now. It feels like the whole kingdom is unraveling around us.”

“I do not know if the whole kingdom is unraveling Cass, isn’t that a big dismal?” Tristana started. “But I do trust you when you say you think something or someone did something to him. You knew him really well.” she paused. “Also could you please talk to Rylan, he has been asking about your well being and I have been diverting him, but he knows something is wrong.”

Cassandra sighed, shaking her head, “So much is wrong. I can’t even begin to define it all or wrap my head around it. There have been fights in the streets of Clearcourt. Nobles argue over who should sit on Jacob’s throne before he has even been buried, and...there are other things that worry me.”

“I must have been not paying attention, I have not noticed these fights. I do know that we need to declare a new King though.” Tristana said. “What other things are worrying you Cass?”

Cassandra shifts in place before rising from the bed, taking a deep breath. She paces back and forth in the flickering light of the single candle, not looking at Tristana as she talks, “I...I have to tell someone about this. It is a shameful secret and one that I am not proud to bear, but I can’t do this alone any more. There is something about my family that I have never told you… Do you remember my Aunt Gabriella? The one who went to go live in the countryside?”

Tristana looked at Cassandra with a serious look on her face. “Cass, you are starting to worry me. Yes I remember Aunt Gabriella…..”

Cassandra nodded, looking at her friend, “My aunt did not leave to live in a country estate. She died some time ago, a victim of a curse that befalls certain members of my family. We have kept this secret for generations, hiding away those afflicted with it. From time to time, a member of the Arderne family will begin to see...visions...portents...whatever you would like to call them. Eventually it becomes too much to bear, and those unfortunate enough to experience this are overwhelmed. They hide away from the world, withering away in solitude until they pass.”

Tristana silently listened to her friend, then took a breath and began to speak. “Cassandra, are you saying what I think you are saying? Are you one of these afflicted family members?” she paused. “How long have you been seeing these visions? What are they of? Are you ok? Do they hurt you at all? And just so you know I will NOT let you wither away in solitude, so do not even think of leaving!” Tristana rambled on.

“I’m...I don’t know honestly. I had a vision yesterday, while I was at lessons. It was just a short one but Trist it was so terrible! I saw such death and destruction and it makes me sick even to think about it,” Cassandra said with a shaking voice. “I’ve not really had such a vivid vision before this. Dreams sometimes, but never while I’m awake and never in the company of others. I’m so frightened.”

Tristana took her friend’s hand and gently guided her to sit on her bed again, and she sat next to her and hugged her tightly. “Cass, please know that I am always here for you and you can tell me anything, anything at all. I do not want you to go through this alone. I will not let you be destroyed by this.” she stopped and then started to speak again. “We will get through this together as we always have. You are my best friend, and I will not even consider the possibility of losing you. Please tell me whenever you have a vision and I will help bear the grief with you. I wish to help you in any way that I can.”  Tristana  released Cassandra from her hug. She walked over to the top of her bed where her pillows and her most cherished teddy bear were. She grabbed the bear and brought it to her friend. “Here Mister BooBear will help you feel better. Can you stay the night? We have not had a sleepover in quite some time!”

Despite herself, Cassandra smiled a little as she took the bear, clutching it, “I told my mother I was coming here. She will not worry if I do not return this evening. I-I couldn’t tell her...about the vision. I’m not ready yet to face them with this. I don’t know how they will react. They might wish to send me away to avoid having the public find out about things. It would be a black stain on our family’s name. I just….the vision was so vivid. I saw the Wall broken. I saw the armies of Olinoth slaughtered on a vast field, our people burned and maimed and dead. It was so horrible.”

Tristana gasped. “That couldn’t possibly happen, could it? The Wall has always been there, I did not even think it was possible to break it. That must have been terrible to see, and I hope that it was not really a vision and just some scary thing that could never actually happen! Try to put those thoughts from your mind, you shall stay here with me tonight! I will keep your mind thinking of other matters!” Tristana started to blush. “My brother knows about my feelings for Ry, and like I said before you must talk to him, he is very worried about you.”

Cassandra nodded, still clutching the bear, “I will speak with him. I didn’t mean to make him worry, or you either for that matter. I’ve just...everything has come apart so quickly, and I’m so scared of what the future will bring. I do not know if my visions are just madness or if they could come to pass. Some of those in my family did see the future, but they saw only minor events or small experiences. If this came to pass….it would mean the end of everything. I cannot believe it is true, but then that makes me a madwoman doesn’t it?”

“Cass, you are not a madwoman! I do hope these visions are not true, but if they are, then we will face this together. Try not to dwell on it. And do let me know if you see anything else.” Tristana let out a laugh. “ At least your parents are not trying to marry you off! I cannot even begin to think about being married to someone I barely know and do not love. Then Rylan and I could never be together! Even though he never would want to be anyway. See Cass, just think of these things and they will put your mind at ease!”

Cassandra offered her friend a smile, shaking her head, “I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Trist. I can’t see you allowing someone to take Ry from you, even if it means marching into his wedding and demanding a duel from the bride. Maybe you can stall your own parents by trying to apply for a position in the city, as I have? It would keep you busy of course, but away from their negotiations. Then again, you might come home one day and find you’ve been married off without a word.”

Tristana smiled back. “Yeah Cass, I do not think my father would let me apply for a position within the city. He is hell bent on selling me off to another family. He has wanted me gone since my mother died. I think I remind him too much of her.” she stopped, looked away briefly as tears started to form in her eyes. She fought them back and then turned back to Cassandra. “Cass, Ry does not have feelings for me, so why would I ruin his wedding day? I would fight for him if I knew he felt the same, but I could never just ruin his relationship for no good reason!”

“Trist, don’t speak like that! You are defeating yourself before the battle has even begun!” Cassandra said, standing and looking down at her friend. “Here you are trying to tell me to be positive and lean on you for support, but you should be doing the same. If you want his heart, you’ll have to win it. He’s as thick-headed as the Wall sometimes, and maybe he doesn’t even know what he wants or who he fancies. Don’t give up without a fight. We’ll make a pact together; neither of us will surrender to our fears.”

Tristana looked up at Cassandra and smiled. “I suppose you are right. He can be pretty thick-headed. He probably has no idea that I have feelings for him, so how can I expect him to know if I do not do something about it! I should fight for him! You are right, I should take my own advice. See that is why we are friends, we help each other out when we need it! I really needed some girl time, Cass….”

Cassandra nodded, sitting down again, “I think I did too. I needed to just tell someone about this before it eats me up inside. Maybe that is what we’ve done wrong. Maybe my family was wrong to keep this a secret, as dark as it is. Fighting it alone is impossible, but with friends you have more of a chance. I just need to rest. I feel like I haven’t slept in days with everything that’s been going on. Tomorrow is a new day and we’ll figure all of this out. We have to.”

“Yes Cass, let us rest, it is getting late. I did not realize how long we were talking.” Tristana yawned. “I am glad that I was able to help you a little bit by talking about it.  I am always here for you, as I know you are here for me. And please talk to Rylan.”

Cassandra turned on the bed, crawling over to the covers and slipping beneath them, still clutching her friend’s doll in her arms, “Sleep sounds like a sanctuary right now. And I’ll try to talk to him soon, I promise. I don’t want him barging into my family’s estate shouting my name!” With that she yawned as well, placing her head on a pillow and closing her eyes. “Hopefully the dawn brings better things…”

*Original work. All rights Reserved. Copyright 2014.  Written by Biara and Kyliska.